Non-verbal communication – The how and what

We respond to thousands of non-verbal messages every day by looking at a variety of clues including facial expressions, body language and the tone of the speaker’s voice. Non-verbal cues give information about who we are and how we feel, and they affect how others relate to us. There are certain aspects of non-verbal communication which are culture-specific, e.g. gestures. However, some facial expressions, e.g. fear, anger and sadness, are similar no matter where you live or who you communicate with.

Facial Expressions

Facial expressions form perhaps the biggest part of non-verbal communication.
A simple smile or a frown can convey a clear message but can also vary its
meaning depending upon the context.

Gestures

Pointing and waving are deliberate signals and are used to communicate meaning without the use of words.

Paralinguistics

The word ‘paralinguistic’ relates to how things are said rather than what is said. The same words said with a different tone of voice or stress can convey very different meanings.

Body Language and Posture

The way we sit, stand and walk can provide information about us as people, about our emotions and about our attitudes. Imagine as you enter the room, there is a person sitting with their arms folded and legs crossed. They turn away as you approach – it is clear that they are not interested in communicating with you at all. Compare that with a person who immediately stands up and throws their arms out in a friendly greeting.

Personal Space

“Personal space” is the amount of distance we like to have between us and others depending upon certain factors like familiarity and social conventions. For example, the amount of space between two close friends having a chat differs dramatically from the space between two people who don’t know each other well, e.g. an interviewee and interviewer.

Looking at faces

Looking at people when talking and listening is a non-verbal behaviour and is essential for successful conversations. Looking at people tells us how much information to give and whether the person is interested in listening. Looking directly into people’s eyes (eye contact) is a skill that only becomes important in our teens when we are trying to attract the attention of someone we find attractive.

Touch

Touch is another aspect of non-verbal communication. Whether or not you touch someone during communication varies according to factors like culture, personality characteristics and situational contexts. For example, some people naturally touch other people when talking whilst others like to keep their distance.

Appearance

How we look, our hair, clothes and accessories all have an impact on how people see and relate to us. Clothing, in particular, can give clues about what people are doing. It can, therefore, help you know what you might need to say to that person and how you might need to behave with them.

Other essential non-verbal skills for effective communication

These may not be things that you automatically think of as affecting non-verbal communication but they do:

Speaker and Listener roles – these are very separate skills and essential because they ensure that conversations are successful.
Reasoning – the ability to draw conclusions from non-verbal information processed.
Identifying the beginning and end of activities – essential to recognise the start and finish of a conversation.
Prediction – knowing what is going to happen helps prevent anxiety and frustration. It also tells you what type of information your listener is expecting and the way to tell them.

The thing that ties all of these aspects of non-verbal communication together is that they tell us what to say to people and
how to say it.